So, here’s the thing, romance has become a subject of taboo in our culture. And we all are under the mindset that romancing our spouse is a sign of irresponsibility and non-seriousness. However, in the West, the romance between spouses is made crucial while in Islam romancing the spouse is rewarding.
Then the question arises, why is romance diminished in our community when even Islam has guided us with Quranic verses and through the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet (Peace and Blessings be Upon Him)?
While some may answer this as Satan’s misguidance or general shyness, in reality, it is because of our decreasing Iman and walking astray from the Sunnah. Allah has said:
وَ مِنۡ اٰیٰتِہٖۤ اَنۡ خَلَقَ لَکُمۡ مِّنۡ اَنۡفُسِکُمۡ اَزۡوَاجًا لِّتَسۡکُنُوۡۤا اِلَیۡہَا وَ جَعَلَ بَیۡنَکُمۡ مَّوَدَّۃً وَّ رَحۡمَۃً ؕ اِنَّ فِیۡ ذٰلِکَ لَاٰیٰتٍ لِّقَوۡمٍ یَّتَفَکَّرُوۡنَ
And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you, compassion and mercy. Surely, in this, are signs for people who reflect [1]
As mentioned in the ayah, Allah has created for us companions with whom we can share the burden of life. Islamic romance is all about the good factors that the Almighty has established to support man in his natural need. The yearning and restlessness in a man are simply to seek serenity and contentment in his partner which brings them together. When such factors combine, romance becomes the bridge between two people to connect throughout their lives. So, turning away from affection and showering our spouse with love and care is considered to stem from the lack of awareness and knowledge of Allah’s commands and Sunnah.
Romance in Islam
Romance in Islam is a sign of Taqwa. We love a person for the sake of Allah and provide them with love and affection. To love a spouse holds rewards of charity. We must also realize that romance with a spouse does not only mean physical intimacy. It also means spending time with them, complimenting them, and having fun with them. Ensuring the happiness of our spouse allows us to become closer to Allah as well. It was narrated by Ibn ‘Abbas:
Our beloved Prophet (Peace and Blessing be Upon Him) said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.”[2]
When you think about it, love and comfort is not a measurable thing. It is a sole human nature that cannot be defined or developed except by Allah’s will. Hence, one of Allah’s signs is the attribute of love and mercy. The source of calm and tranquility becomes essential for both man and woman when they join together in marriage and their romance becomes the source of peace.
Allah has put a great reward for romance for our spouse. It must be noted that romance without following the commandments of Allah is not permissible and we must not blur the lines of right and wrong for the sake of our desires. We are allowed to be attracted but to initiate romance, we must take actions as guided by Quran and Sunnah. To love a person for the sake of Allah makes a man better in faith than many. By taking the time to show our spouses love and devotion, we not only enhance our relationship but also become nearer to Allah.
Preserving a happy marriage is not only beneficial in and of itself but it is also seen in Islam as a show of piety. Islam encourages romance because it makes the marriage between a husband and wife stronger and promotes harmony in the home. Couples can strengthen their bond and develop a deeper connection by knowing each other’s responsibilities in upholding the marriage per Islamic teachings.
Islam encourages couples to express their love for one another, both physically and emotionally. Romancing your spouse can be a rewarding experience that strengthens the bond between you two as well as brings joy into your marriage.
The Benefits of Romance in Marriage
Before we dive into tips on romancing your spouse, let’s take a look at why it is so important within the context of Islamic teachings. The Holy Prophet (PBUH) himself demonstrated the importance of this in his romantic gestures towards his wives. Therefore, we must follow in his footsteps and make an effort to bring romance into our marriages. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
“Your wife has rights over you just like you have rights over her; treat them equally with justice.”
This means that spouses should not only fulfill each other’s physical needs but also emotional ones such as expressing affection through romantic gestures. Doing this will bring more harmony into the relationship while strengthening its foundation even further.
Even during the month of Ramadan, it is advised to be romantic to your partner after breaking the fast. It is briefly explained by Allah Almighty Himself in the Holy Quran. Allah says:
اُحِلَّ لَكُمْ لَیْلَةَ الصِّیَامِ الرَّفَثُ اِلٰی نِسَآىِٕكُمْ ؕ هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَ اَنْتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّ ؕ عَلِمَ اللّٰهُ اَنَّكُمْ كُنْتُمْ تَخْتَانُوْنَ اَنْفُسَكُمْ فَتَابَ عَلَیْكُمْ وَ عَفَا عَنْكُمْ ۚ فَالْـٰٔنَ بَاشِرُوْهُنَّ وَ ابْتَغُوْا مَا كَتَبَ اللّٰهُ لَكُمْ ۪ وَ كُلُوْا وَ اشْرَبُوْا حَتّٰی یَتَبَیَّنَ لَكُمُ الْخَیْطُ الْاَبْیَضُ مِنَ الْخَیْطِ الْاَسْوَدِ مِنَ الْفَجْرِ ۪ ثُمَّ اَتِمُّوا الصِّیَامَ اِلَی الَّیْلِ ۚ وَ لَا تُبَاشِرُوْهُنَّ وَ اَنْتُمْ عٰكِفُوْنَ ۙ فِی الْمَسٰجِدِ ؕ تِلْكَ حُدُوْدُ اللّٰهِ فَلَا تَقْرَبُوْهَا ؕ كَذٰلِكَ یُبَیِّنُ اللّٰهُ اٰیٰتِهٖ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ یَتَّقُوْنَ
It has been made permissible for you to be intimate with your wives during the nights preceding the fast. Your spouses are a garment1 for you as you are for them. Allah knows that you were deceiving yourselves.2 So He has accepted your repentance and pardoned you. So now you may be intimate with them and seek what Allah has prescribed for you.3 ˹You may˺ eat and drink until you see the light of dawn breaking the darkness of night, then complete the fast until nightfall. Do not be intimate with your spouses while you are meditating in the mosques. These are the limits set by Allah, so do not exceed them. This is how Allah makes His revelations clear to people, so they may become mindful ˹of Him˺.[3]
Tips to Increase Romance and Rewards
Now let’s get down to business – here are some great ideas for romantic gestures that will make your spouse feel special and increase your rewards:
Spend quality time together – Spend quality time together doing something enjoyable or relaxing, like going out to dinner or watching movies at home, by taking time out of your hectic schedules. Quality time spent together strengthens relationships by allowing couples to connect intimately without distractions from daily life. Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu’minin:
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) used to divide his time equally and said: O Allah, this is my division concerning what I control, so do not blame me concerning what You control and I do not.
Abu Dawud said: By it meant the heart [4]
Show physical affection – Since it releases oxytocin, sometimes known as “the cuddle hormone,” physical contact is a powerful tool for fostering emotional connection. Therefore whenever feasible, give a hug, a kiss, hold hands, etc with your spouse. It doesn’t even have to go anyplace else; just being close enough for skin-to-skin contact may work wonders for bringing couples closer together spiritually as well. It was narrated from ‘Uqbah bin ‘Amir Al-Juhani that the Prophet (ﷺ) said:
“Allah will admit three people to Paradise by virtue of one arrow: The one who makes it, seeking reward by making it well; the one who shoots it; and the one who hands it to him.” And the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “Shoot and ride, and if you shoot that is dearer to me than if you ride. All things that a Muslim man does for entertainment are in vain except for shooting arrows, training his horse, and playing with his wife, for these are things that bring reward.”[5]
Perform prayer together – There is divine love set in your heart when you pray with your spouse. Allah the Almighty has put many blessings for the couple who prays together. Even after being newly-wed, it is advised that the newly-wed couple will pray two rak’ah’s together. It was narrated that Abu Sa‘eed, the freed slave of Abu Usayd, said:
“I got married when I was a slave, and I invited some of the Companions of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), among whom were Ibn Mas‘ood, Abu Dharr, and Hudhayfah. … And they taught me and said: “When your wife enters upon you, pray two rak‘ahs, then ask Allah, may He be exalted, for the good of what has entered upon you and seek refuge with Him from its evil, then go ahead and approach your wife.”[6]
Take romantic actions – While society may consider romance to be a frivolous part of a relationship, Islam places a lot greater emphasis on it. We are strengthening the ties of marriage and adhering to our religious commitments by cultivating and cherishing our love for our spouse. And even a small action taken to show love to our spouse is rewarding. It was narrated that ‘Aishah said:
“The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) used to put his mouth on the place where I had drunk from, and he would drink from what was leftover by me, while I was menstruating.” [7]
In another instance, narrated `Aisha:
“The Prophet (ﷺ) used to lean on my lap and recite Qur’an while I was in menses.”[8]
For many people, the romantic gesture may also mean lessening the burden of the daily chores and exhaustion of work. For this too, our Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) had made sure that his wives were not burdened with the duty to manage a household. In one hadith it is mentioned that:
Al-Aswad said, “I asked ‘A’isha, May Allah be pleased with her, ‘What did the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, do when he was with his family?’ She replied, ‘He would do chores for his family, and when it was time for the prayer, he would go out.'”[9]
Give gifts – Giving thoughtful gifts now and then expresses appreciation towards our partners which boosts feelings of closeness between two individuals immensely. Whether big or small, these tokens of love show thoughtfulness behind them which speaks volumes about how much effort was put into choosing something meaningful specifically tailored towards one’s significant other’s interests/needs/desires, etc… Narrated Sa’d bin Abi Waqqas: Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said,
“You will be rewarded for whatever you spend for Allah’s sake even if it were a morsel which you put in your wife’s mouth.”[10]
Complement each other often – When it comes to making someone feel valued and loved, straightforward praise goes a long way! It makes a huge difference in maintaining good and healthy relationships when we consistently let our partners know what we value about them and how much they matter to us. To comb each other’s hair and take care of their handsomeness, you can complement each other. Moreover, to complement your spouse, you can simply declare your love for your spouse and it can go a long way.
It was narrated by Ibn Abbas:
The Messenger of Allah said: “There is nothing like marriage, for two who love one another.”[11]
We can easily deduce that to love one another in marriage, is the best possible blessing because it satisfies a person and increases the love for Allah. The more you love your spouse, the closer you will feel to Allah because you will be cherishing the blessing given to you by Allah Almighty.
Share each other’s interests – There is much harmony when spouses share each other’s interests. The biggest one is loving for the sake of Allah and so, harmony maintains between the couple. That is why, it is important to share each other’s interests because it will allow you to understand your spouse a bit more and it will allow you to love them twice as much. Our best example is the Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) who has given much importance to his wives. Narrated `Aisha:
“The Prophet (ﷺ) was screening me with his Rida’ (garment covering the upper part of the body) while I was looking at the Ethiopians who were playing in the courtyard of the mosque. (I continued watching) till I was satisfied. So you may deduce from this event how a little girl (who has not reached the age of puberty) who is eager to enjoy amusement should be treated in this respect.”[12]
Conclusion
Romance isn’t just about grandiose displays of emotion – sometimes little things go a long way too! Hence, maintaining romance with your spouse in Islam is not just a beautiful aspect of the religion, but it also has a multitude of benefits that can enhance your life in every way possible. From reducing stress and anxiety to improving physical and mental health, it’s clear that nurturing your relationship is essential for a happy life. With the tips mentioned above, you can start taking small but impactful steps toward building a strong and loving relationship with your significant other.
Remember, it’s never too late to ignite the sparks of romance and reignite the fire in your marriage. When you remember that at the end of the day, your love should be for the sake of Allah, it becomes that much easier to love your spouse and be romantic with them. It becomes a part of your faith and as we know in our hearts, faith is always rewarded.
Narrated Anas:
“The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Whoever possesses the following three qualities will have the sweetness (delight) of faith:
1. The one to whom Allah and His Apostle become dearer than anything else.
2. Who loves a person and he loves him only for Allah’s sake.
3. Who hates to revert to Atheism (disbelief) as he hates to be thrown into the fire.”[13]
As it is clear, the Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) demonstrated the importance of romantic gestures toward his wives. When we follow the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him), we can easily understand the importance of the way of our lives. He set the example, and we must strive to do the same in our relationships as He did. By doing this, we not only strengthen our marriage but also our faith in God because we acknowledge the blessings He has given us. However, we must be mindful to never overindulge ourselves to neglect all other duties.
To love your spouse is a sign of faith, but to love Allah is our foremost obligation.
In light of this, let’s not be afraid to show our spouses love and devotion because doing so is a sign of piety and will pay off much in this life and the next.
Romancing the Spouse is Rewarding is a part of our amazing series. To learn more about the guidance given to us by Allah and the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), follow our series Time to Revive. By Allah’s will, you shall have increased knowledge and understanding.
By Jowairia Shahid
References
- Al-Quran (Ar-Rum, 30:21)
- Sunan Ibn Majah 1977: Book 9, Hadith 133
- Al-Quran (Al-Baqarah, 02:187)
- Sunan Abi Dawud 2134: Book 12, Hadith 89
- Sunan Ibn Majah 281: Book 24, Hadith 59
- Narrated by Ibn Abi Shaybah in al-Musannaf (3/401) and ‘Abd al-Razzzaaq in al-Musannaf (6/191). Shaykh al-Albaani (may Allah have mercy on him) said: Its isnaad to Abu Sa‘eed is saheeh.
- Sunan an-Nasa’i 280: Book 1, Hadith 281
- Sahih al-Bukhari 297: Book 6, Hadith 4
- Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 538: Book 30, Hadith 1
- Sahih al-Bukhari 56: Book 2, Hadith 49
- Sunan Ibn Majah 1847: Book 9, Hadith 3
- Sahih al-Bukhari 5236: Book 67, Hadith 169
- Sahih al-Bukhari 16: Book 2, Hadith 9
